Verdict: IT WAS THE VALVE COVER. Not the gasket, the cover itself. Mine was cracked a lot and had broken baffles in there. I was sucking all that oil through the VC and into the manifold and into the engine. Dealer replaced the VC and ran the oil consumption test. Perfect. Zero drop in oil and no smoking.
Pros: Zero drop in oil
Cons: cracked, broken baffles
Vehicle:
Volkswagen
Mileage: 90000 km